I cry… a lot.

Now that I have returned from France I have been more confused than ever. I have been unsure about my choices, direction and purpose in my life.

As I tend to get overwhelmed with feelings and insecurity – I have been crying a lot the last month.

When I say a lot I mean I usually cry at least every other day. Usually everyday. But then there are days when I feel like things are looking up and then I don’t cry for a few days.

But then I have a reality check usually provided by someone close to me who feels the need to remind that I am still unemployed.

THANKS.

Like I needed that reminder.

“Everything will work out”

This is something my Nana says fairly often. Actually all the time. I think I have said it before – I do believe this to be true. But damn it is hard to make it through the crap to get to the other side.

When will everything be all worked out? Will everything ever be all worked out?

“You will spend your whole life wondering what to do with your life”

This is something my dad said to me recently. And I had never really considered that before. But maybe he is right. Maybe I will never have everything all figured out. Is that really even possible?

Maybe I just need to learn to enjoy the ride.

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It’s hard to be kind when you’re miserable

Alright, here is some real talk.

I started this blog at the end of last year because I wanted an outlet to put my thoughts, and be held accountable for my actions.

But something I have realized is that it is pretty damn difficult to be kind to other people when you are really unhappy.

I know for me this is certainly true. When I feel at ease (which is rare) I find it much easier to smile at strangers, offer them help and be kind to people who I love. But as soon as my mood shifts, I become overwhelmed and get really unhappy, that ease sort of disappears.

I have been reading a lot about the power of positive thinking and the difference that changing your perspective can have not only on your current mood, but also your entire outlook on life.

I do agree with Charles R. Swindoll when he said – “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”, however, I found really difficult to follow through with what he is talking about.

Yes, I know shitty things exist in this world. Sometimes it feels like that is all there is -shitty things that apparently have no solutions. Or that nobody seems to give a rat’s ass about them.

Why don’t people care that there are human beings living on the streets? Why don’t people care that some families can barely afford to put food on their tables, clothe their children, and provide them with a safe and loving home? Why don’t people care about animals being slaughtered and being kept in horrifying conditions? What about animals being tested on, why does nobody care about them?

Have people become so self-involved that they don’t care about anything that doesn’t impact them directly?

I don’t know about any of you (whoever you are reading my blog) but I will never stop caring. I will not change who I am, I will not stop caring about human beings, all living things and our environment.

No matter how miserable I get I will always be grateful for the world we live in.

I am at a confusing time in my life – I am unemployed and cry regularly – but no matter how miserable I get in my life I will always make an effort to extend kindness to others and the world we live in.

I hope you all do to. We all have our own stories and are fighting our own battles but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t help each their along the way.

France – Day 42 – 46: Lyon & Orléans

My final days in France were spent enjoying Lyon and Orleans.

I had a wonderful time in these cities, although they were a little more lonely. I stayed in a hotel in both Lyon and Orléans so meeting people was definitely more of a challenge. I am shy, and to be honest I was really looking forward to be heading home in a few days, so at times I was not in the mood to talk to many people (especially in French).

Lyon

Lyon was a wonderful city, rich of history and amazing food.

Each meal I had in Lyon was absolutely incredible, and the streets were all extremely charming. I went to the Musée Gadagne where they had a really interesting rose exhibit detailing the history of roses in France. I am kind of a nerd and love going to museums to learn about the rich history of each place I go to.

Lyon, France - food

Vegetarian Meal from Ramen Shop

Lyon, France - river

Gorgeous river view in Lyon

Lyon, France

Amazing grilled chèvre cheese sandwich in Lyon

Lyon, France

Statue in Lyon

Lyon, France

Charming side street in Old Town

Orléans

My last stop – Orléans! This was an adorable, small little town located in the Loire Valley. Orléans is one of the oldest towns in France, and was the location where Joan of Arc liberated France on 8 May 1429. If you get the chance to visit definitely check out Cathédrale Sainte-Croix  and the Jeanne D’Arc statue. There are also several museums in Orléans detailing the history in the town. Unfortunately, I did not have time to visit the museums, as I was only in Orléans for one day.

Joan of Arc - Jeanne D'Arc, Orleans, France

Jeanne D’Arc Statue in Orléans, France

side street Orleans, France

Charming side street in Orléans

Cathédrale Sainte-Croix - Orléans, France

Cathédrale Sainte-Croix